Memes
This is a compilation of my attempts to create SQL-themed nerdy memes, reactions and jokes. All are my original ideas… as original as memes can be.
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Tweets are sorted in reverse chronological order.
Me: I like to practice blameless post-mortems
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) April 3, 2023
Also me: pic.twitter.com/MTIOFOm0Sa
This is the third fake SQL movie poster, for those keeping track. pic.twitter.com/qwddafl5Op
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 27, 2023
I have a few more fake poster ideas. pic.twitter.com/2UPsoZoEOV
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 20, 2023
I heard @erikdarlingdata was missing my memes, so here it is.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 14, 2023
GO with me if you want to live pic.twitter.com/7zzIYDXADY
What is your database's mental attitude? pic.twitter.com/BIa6MZwKyz
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) January 26, 2023
When you find Ad-Hoc queries blocking the production pic.twitter.com/YKa2QAXALI
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) January 20, 2023
Unless you SET ANSI_NULLS OFF pic.twitter.com/zgWiKehrwR
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) December 20, 2022
Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That’s why it is called the present. pic.twitter.com/Uweog3Wgaq
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 4, 2022
I want to wait at low priority. pic.twitter.com/09Z62HaHrx
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 13, 2022
I won't name and shame but still… pic.twitter.com/uMEJzCAEgC
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 7, 2022
Top 3 Dark Side powers. pic.twitter.com/uoh8ViuC0V
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 6, 2022
Why didn't I think of this meme sooner?
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 5, 2022
Context:https://t.co/5q3vTbuCqs pic.twitter.com/k8fGl4upyd
Let me introduce you to a multi-Tennant database. pic.twitter.com/cXVa6cQbEM
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 1, 2022
I'm comparing Table Schemas using CZECHSUMS. pic.twitter.com/VvtR4qwdaX
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 29, 2022
If I ever get a dog, I'm naming him Offset. Just so I can yell: "OFFSET, FETCH!"
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 28, 2022
It's a matter of time. pic.twitter.com/8Xtjwl231n
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 27, 2022
Query Optimizer when it's not currently running out of internal resources. pic.twitter.com/vKyfn9ELip
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 26, 2022
Great idea! Revised. pic.twitter.com/OVXMvbDM6K
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 22, 2022
Sadly, it's not a unique situation. pic.twitter.com/69wZt8KCOd
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 20, 2022
PSA: Check if your Identity is not running out.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 15, 2022
You can use DBA dash - https://t.co/1fea6u9t4v
or @dbachecks - https://t.co/swH1KCKXJR pic.twitter.com/EIEiRxYTEA
When you find a varchar/nvarchar constant mismatch during the code review. pic.twitter.com/4PWfnX0wAq
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 4, 2022
Me whenever I see INNER JOIN or LEFT OUTER JOIN. pic.twitter.com/Z2dPBkvbwT
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 26, 2022
In a heated argument, I've called Pascal "a camel", and now I'm being sent to case sensitivity training.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 17, 2022
It's a metadata operation, they said.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 7, 2022
It's gonna be instant, they said.#sqlmeme #sqlfamily pic.twitter.com/JBuGfTHvwa
Guess the film production studio. pic.twitter.com/IFNAjrm0uc
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 4, 2022
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 1, 2022
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 1, 2022
How it was before the error 2628. Those were the dark times.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/LOyInpM8l4
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 25, 2022
The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the users to perform their own physical integrity checks.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 18, 2022
I have my moments. pic.twitter.com/bcJwOPSKMD
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 18, 2022
Me: How did this value get past the constraint?
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 15, 2022
Constraint: pic.twitter.com/PEfWKZ6lS4
I can't wait for the fix to the Memory Grant Feedback oscillation in SQL Server 2022#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/m7DMm5k6ov
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 14, 2022
Congratulations to all old and new MVPs! pic.twitter.com/67r1UyREsV
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 2, 2022
My experience with the DOP Feedback demo in SQL Server 2022 pic.twitter.com/W9Rcg4fMTr
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) June 30, 2022
How it was before SQL Server 2022.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) June 25, 2022
Taken from https://t.co/EdDeP2NTCq by @ItzikBenGan and @SQL_Kiwi pic.twitter.com/2LgymgABkv
Do you agree with this Venn diagram, #sqlfamily? pic.twitter.com/pAA7YbjK4Q
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) May 26, 2022
Waiting for @redgate to support new SSMS be like.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) May 25, 2022
P.S: Just kidding, please don't take away my Prompt.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/rrdC1gaeJQ
They told me to add a filter to speed up my query.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) May 21, 2022
I've used 'Golden Hour', and it was even slower. Should I go for the 'Sepia'? pic.twitter.com/SyCMx34rOb
What have I done?#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/zh4sX2D33C
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) May 17, 2022
Dominic Toretto learns about row goals. pic.twitter.com/3Mh756xd09
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) May 5, 2022
Me: "Lord, give me a sign I'm doing the Query Tuning right."
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) April 23, 2022
Lord: pic.twitter.com/MCRbRiYMus
I'm going to hell for this. pic.twitter.com/NAT0c37o8j
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) April 15, 2022
You can tell spring is in full swing.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) April 12, 2022
Views are starting to nest. pic.twitter.com/3lQPkD5Xr3
This one goes out to @AaronBertrand. I didn't know semicolons are so controversial.https://t.co/CT1SHeD9Jf#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/txk7uOFpSX
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) April 7, 2022
Inspired by @SQLEspresso's and @erinstellato's 20 minute sqlbits session. With additional input by @BrentO #sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/jNOsdYHpxO
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 31, 2022
It's all about the Statistics!#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/285mXtxywX
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 31, 2022
Inspired by @tsqladdicthttps://t.co/Nlir3SJV77#sqlmeme #SQLFamily pic.twitter.com/0kg0GpL4ky
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 28, 2022
How 'optimize for ad hoc workloads' was born. pic.twitter.com/eiTuy2OVSG
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 27, 2022
Every time I think about Query Store's "morally equivalent" plans, this gif comes to mind.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 22, 2022
More info:https://t.co/WIZhQ1neYA#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/k72y4LFVcu
I should probably add the TOP clause. pic.twitter.com/mblmmrnw28
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 15, 2022
Inspired by today's #sqlbits session by @DanielMallott pic.twitter.com/xCicwskJhO
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 12, 2022
My first presentation at the conference. I think it went well. Finally, I can use this meme: pic.twitter.com/htKJYDFlA7
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) March 11, 2022
I was confused the first time it happened to me.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/517woGT03B
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 17, 2022
Errors are red,
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 14, 2022
Keywords are blue
I've found the root cause
in the fifth nested view.
Happy Valentine's day #sqlfamily
Let's just sprinkle these into my explanations. pic.twitter.com/P4BaxuwoTb
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 13, 2022
Since I cannot add video to a quote tweet. Great series by @ItzikBenGanhttps://t.co/80lDMCpRnG pic.twitter.com/XLJGMgEKJa
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 9, 2022
I'm tired of explaining it over and over again.#sqlmeme #DevOps pic.twitter.com/weuuHNjZbh
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 9, 2022
Know the difference! pic.twitter.com/VO40he3eE5
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 8, 2022
I'm keeping the typo in this saying: "I'm a Jack of all trades, master of one".
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 7, 2022
Just a random idea I had. pic.twitter.com/Dn1Hma3UQ9
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 4, 2022
Imagine my surprise when I've found out the latest Plan Explorer version has those options. pic.twitter.com/BQc5eMtO9g
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 3, 2022
LPT: Start your SQL with SET NOCOUNT ON and end your SQL batches with
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 3, 2022
RAISERROR('Great success! 👨👍', 10, 1);#sqlmeme #sqlfamily pic.twitter.com/bStXRN1Ew1
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) February 2, 2022
Wife: I'm ordering tonight - thoughts?
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) January 27, 2022
Me: Unless you are paging the results, I would move the ordering to the backend or presentation layer and save some expensive SQL CPU cycles.
Wife: … I meant food!
I can't catch a break pic.twitter.com/RYzznIVSTe
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) January 26, 2022
Query Store - Choose your execution type!
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) December 6, 2021
Inspired by @jpomfret @jdanton https://t.co/j37wlwuqAnhttps://t.co/62uqWy5bKu pic.twitter.com/nS0bgGJdKj
CROSS APPLY or something idk I've never written TSQL#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/jzA0keW57S
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) December 3, 2021
Inspired by discussion on SQL Server Slack.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/LH5i4EHZCx
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 24, 2021
With great power comes…
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 23, 2021
Arithmetic overflow error for type int pic.twitter.com/zpMonOP5l0
CONCAT STRING or something - I don't understand SQL. pic.twitter.com/0Mc9OpcZvl
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 19, 2021
Say 300 again. I dare you, I double dare you!#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/fDo8Ss36cw
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 16, 2021
It's hard to keep up appearances.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/bfjBRlRtb7
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 12, 2021
I've run into a Strange problem with parallelism.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/IlP8t06b9a
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 10, 2021
When you are starting out with the SQL Server.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/80VUCsJ9aR
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 7, 2021
Great post, highly recommend! pic.twitter.com/EB60n3N2PB
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 5, 2021
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 5, 2021
A new description for XE context menu? pic.twitter.com/t8dElrRB0t
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) November 4, 2021
Problem solved!
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 31, 2021
Too obscure? Read this amazing series by @SQL_Kiwi https://t.co/cczDH3ielN pic.twitter.com/ZcgwpFAEOc
Inspired by @MJSwart about 10 minutes ago. pic.twitter.com/3Ji6ie3LVl
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 27, 2021
Made a brand new meme just for you @SQLBits ❤ pic.twitter.com/1J9lkNogff
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 12, 2021
The Left join wasn't right, but with the Right join, there was nothing left.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) October 8, 2021
The dark side clouds everything…#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/OBZbTHKwU5
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 24, 2021
Not the result set I was expecting.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/EgNw5lHHtS
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 17, 2021
That's why I process in batches.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/KfQmJcvQry
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 9, 2021
Parsing is fun!#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/a9Val8uJMO
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 8, 2021
#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/kgIausipXE
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 7, 2021
Knock, knock!
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 6, 2021
Who's there?
Active.
Who Is Active? pic.twitter.com/y3ni400bbu
Merriam-Webster had no definition for "SARGable"#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/pLF8ThRoA4
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 3, 2021
A handy chart#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/lej0iKXYn5
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 2, 2021
What's that? A current meme?
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) September 1, 2021
The only constant is change.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/M3Stdlhxy7
Who's in the badass club? @SQLintheWild #sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/jophR5r7Pr
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 31, 2021
Shower thought:
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 30, 2021
Transaction isolation level read uncommitted is to a NOLOCK as Caps Lock is to a Shift key.
Please create a ticket.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/HV4VeIbLrZ
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 27, 2021
What I imagine a consultant's job is like:#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/jcKFXvqhj8
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 26, 2021
I hate when this happens.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/VgWewnaWzZ
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 25, 2021
#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/9QZ5t9vyAT
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 24, 2021
Haven't tried it yet. Can anyone share a feedback?#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/sGkJUsHGRJ
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 23, 2021
#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/jhyTwin9cw
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 20, 2021
Thanks to @srutzky for the trove of information on his blog and https://t.co/5qbrCIscLJ #sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/t746jqxW6G
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 19, 2021
#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/A00DdGS4Us
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 18, 2021
Inspired by blog post https://t.co/XIExL3VuaB
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 17, 2021
from @SQLPoolBoy
Thank you!#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/bLDzkoEK2j
Inspired by @chad_baldwin - thank you!#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/6ZgExMAj9i
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 16, 2021
Code reviews of the future.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/YTQKQgMH7K
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 13, 2021
What adding an OPTION (RECOMPILE) to a query feels like pic.twitter.com/OXgwexHI4h
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 12, 2021
Prove me wrong, I dare you.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/QQjCQoQyf7
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 11, 2021
Continuing with the Avengers theme. Kudos to Dave Dustin @venzann for the inspiration and the plan operator.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/Zev1E4EhB9
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 10, 2021
When arguing about the importance of versioning the Database.#sqlmeme pic.twitter.com/cUTe3zSVtJ
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 9, 2021
Especially on Friday pic.twitter.com/53mWbB9Oji
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 6, 2021
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 5, 2021
It…
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 4, 2021
really do be like that sometimes. pic.twitter.com/2FPUNYaUTL
Inspired by yesterday's discussion on Slack. pic.twitter.com/3dchczsYIQ
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 3, 2021
This is the original meme idea that got me started.
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) August 2, 2021
Thank you to @SQL_Kiwi and his blog post https://t.co/PwPAvjIhHE pic.twitter.com/czDtlorqo2
The endless battle. pic.twitter.com/DvEyuXCoqO
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 30, 2021
This one goes out to #sqlfamily pic.twitter.com/G0NgEXaXo4
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 29, 2021
Ah, the woes of troubleshooting. pic.twitter.com/7yt3VfHp9N
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 28, 2021
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 27, 2021
It's an older meme, but it checks out. pic.twitter.com/lmHeSxceux
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 26, 2021
Guess I'll have to batch delete again… pic.twitter.com/Ypb5tptJkN
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 23, 2021
Optimize for what? pic.twitter.com/gRi3LICyLC
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 22, 2021
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 21, 2021
— Tom Zíka (@Zikato25) July 20, 2021