Deep Dive
Scary Scalar Functions - Part One: Parallelism
Scalar UDFs silently force your query to run serially, killing parallelism. Even a reference through a view, computed column, or check constraint does it.
Notes from a TSQL trench
Database stuff,
with a side of memes.
Long-form notes on TSQL performance, Extended Events, Query Store and the tooling around them. Written from the trenches, not the slide deck.
Featured
Latest posts
My Toolbox - AI
I trusted AI to redesign this blog, be my personal assistant, and organize my life. But I won't let it near a production database. Here's why that's not a contradiction - and what I learned about trust along the way.
Inspecting TSQL Abstract Syntax Trees
What does SQL Server actually see when it parses your code? I built a free web tool that lets you paste TSQL and explore the abstract syntax tree - click a token, see the node, read the fragment.
KDA: Echoes of Deception - Case 3
20 stolen cars with swapped license plates - using KQL to trace VIN changes through traffic data and find the common storage location.
KDA: Echoes of Deception - Case 2
Digitown's citizens are being targeted by phishing calls. Using KQL, I analyze call patterns - duration, hidden caller IDs, and disconnect behavior - to unmask the phisher.
KDA: Echoes of Deception - Case 1
Digitown's utility bills doubled overnight. Using KQL and the EXPLAIN feature, I dig through billing data to find duplicate charges and negative consumption.
KDA: Echoes of Deception - Onboarding
A walkthrough of the Kusto Detective Agency UI and the onboarding challenge - finding which detective earned the most bounty money in 2022.
Kusto Detective Agency - Intro
I have a soft spot for Kusto. This series walks through the Kusto Detective Agency challenges - data mysteries you solve with KQL instead of a magnifying glass.