Deep Dive
Scary Scalar Functions - Part One: Parallelism
Scalar UDFs silently force your query to run serially, killing parallelism. Even a reference through a view, computed column, or check constraint does it.
Notes from a TSQL trench
Database stuff,
with a side of memes.
Long-form notes on TSQL performance, Extended Events, Query Store and the tooling around them. Written from the trenches, not the slide deck.
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Why my way of writing SQL is superior
Semicolons, leading commas, single-letter aliases. Here is the SQL style everyone loves to argue about, and the practical reasons I refuse to budge.
Query Hash and Query Plan Hash Mapping
Ever struggled to match the binary hash from DMVs and Query Store against the numeric one in Extended Events? Let's fix that for good.
KEEP PLAN Demystified
Ever wondered what the KEEP PLAN hint actually does? The docs are vague, so I tested it against every recompilation threshold to find out.
Extended Events Timezones
Open an XE event file in SSMS and the timestamps stare back at you. Local time or server time? I spun up a container in another timezone to find out.
The SQLBits 2022, or There and Back Again
My first in-person conference, my first time speaking, and a costume that needed a face mask. A SQLBits 2022 recap told in Lord of the Rings quotes.
SQL Wordle Series - Part Two: Playing
Last time we cheated. This time we actually play: a set-based scoring engine in TSQL, duplicate letters and all.
SQL Wordle Series - Part One: Cheating
Your Twitter feed is probably already full of Wordle posts, so why not one more? Let's start the series the lazy way: by cheating.